


everything is nothing (without you)

by iamnotbrianmay



Series: Poly!Queen Week [5]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Body Image, Day 7: Body Issues, Female Brian May, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Fpreg, Multi, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Weight Gain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-26 15:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20932469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamnotbrianmay/pseuds/iamnotbrianmay
Summary: Brianna writes down a list of reasons not to tell her boyfriends she is pregnant and comes up with three main points:1. She doesn't want to start fights about who the father is2. They will hate her because they had all agreed not to have children3. She is starting to look fat and ugly and doesn't want them to leave herShe leans back and puts a hand over her (not so) flat stomach, then thanks the gods that John and Roger are doing a promotional tour all over Asia while Freddie is recording Mr Bad Guy all the way in America.------Day 7: Body Image Issues





	1. Chapter 1

Brianna shuts the door with her heel as she walks into the apartment. In her arms, she holds several paper bags filled with groceries, her hair is tied up in a messy bun to avoid any snowflakes getting caught in it, and her boots and covered in ice and water. It's a miracle she's made it back home with how much she is shaking, and she can't say that it's all due to the cold. 

There are things she has to do which have her rilled up, amongst them getting the five different pregnancy tests out and _peeing _on them so that they tell her what she already knows. One missed period is normal, two is alarming, three is a pregnancy. That along with the facts that her clothes have started to look ill-fitting, her breasts have grown tender, and that the other day she had started crying over a _Baby Johnsons _advert told her everything she needed to know. 

She just had to buy five pregnancy tests to be sure. The guitarist wasn't a biologist, but she was pretty sure that there had to be at _least _one other illness with similar symptoms to pregnancy. 

She put away the rest of her grocery shopping first, cleaning and organizing the kitchen so thoroughly that she had to admit to herself that she was procrastinating once she started to arrange the cup in a colour gradient. She had to treat the tests almost like ripping off a bandaid, the quicker she did it, the less it was going to hurt. 

She went into the bathroom and came out five minutes later pale as a ghost. No, the tests hadn't developed yet, but she could feel the answer in her bones. So she sat down and writes down a list of reasons not to tell her boyfriends she is pregnant and comes up with three main points:

1\. She doesn't want to start fights about who the father is  
2\. They will hate her because they had all agreed not to have children  
3\. She is starting to look fat and ugly and doesn't want them to leave her

She leans back and puts a hand over her (not so) flat stomach, then thanks the gods that John and Roger are doing a promotional tour all over Asia while Freddie is recording Mr Bad Guy in _America_ of all places. She is bound to be alone for the next three months, which gives her just enough time to think about an excuse for her sudden _change _that won't end up with her living on the streets, or even worse, in a house all by herself. 

She's too late to abort, too late to have a talk with the boys, and too late to actually start preparing herself to _be _a mother. Not to mention the pregnancy, and all its side effects, seem to be developing ridiculously fast, and now she can't seem to escape them. She's hit at least the third month of her pregnancy and her pants no longer button up, a _muffin top _spills over the sides of her sweatpants, and her arms seemed to have gotten flabby enough to wiggle every time she moves them. 

It's not good, at all. She has always been terrified about her place in their relationship. She seems to be the most problematic, the least marketable, the most emotionally constipated, and the ugliest of their lot, and now that particular characteristic seemed to be amplified. 

After a few minutes (or hours, but who's counting?) she walks back into the bathroom only to confirm what she already knew. Five plus signs are staring back at her, and she feels ready to throw up (more than what she had already been doing, Brianna hasn't had a single good breakfast in at least two weeks). From that moment on, she starts functioning almost on autopilot. She throws the tests to the bin, calls up her Gynecologist to set up an appointment for as soon as possible, which turns out to be the day after, then she puts on her largest pyjamas and snuggles up under the blankets. 

She only notices she's crying after the pillow becomes damp. The whole situation feels _hopeless. _Between Roger's fear of being a terrible father, Freddie's insistence of keeping kids away from their chaotic life, and Brianna's— _everything, _they had decided not to have any kids. She could only imagine their disappointment once she told them, that is _if _she ever told them. For a fleeting second, she considered just running away, somehow that seemed less painful than being kicked out, but the mere thought of not being with her partners made a fresh wave of tears run down her face. 

Honestly, _fuck _pregnancy brain. 

She fell asleep like that. Curled up into a ball, with her face pressed into a damp pillow, completely unaware of the paparazzi which had caught her in the act of buying a pregnancy test. 

✦✧✦

It's one in the morning in England, nine am in Japan and six pm in Los Angeles when the News Article gets released. They are in the middle of a phone call when it happens, their phones start vibrating with dozens of incoming text messages. From their management, from their friends, and from _Miami _of all people who had a terrible aversion to phones and electronic devices of all kinds. 

All of them ask the same question; _is it true? _

_Is it true that Brianna is pregnant? _

_Is it true you are taking a break? _

_Is it true she is cheating on you? _

By the time it's five am in England, one pm in Japan and eleven pm in Los Angeles, all of the boys have already boarded a plane that would take them home to their guitarist, who has been left to deal with the wolves all on her own. 

✦✧✦

The next morning Brianna straightens her hair and applies layers upon layers of makeup to go to her doctor's appointment. Her phone has been put on silent and stuffed deep into the depths of her purse ever since she woke up that morning and saw that she had over one _thousand _notifications. That could only mean one thing, and she isn't quite ready to face reality just yet. 

Once she is ready to get out of her house she hardly looks like herself. It's a trick she's learned over the years and she's not quite sure it's healthy in any way or form, but it's the only way she can go out without being recognised. 

She takes the Underground to avoid drawing any attention, tries to appear as inconspicuous as possible, and even smiles and pretends to be excited when an old lady in the train asks her how far along she is. Then, all of her fears are confirmed when she looks around the carriage to find that a woman is reading _The Sun _and that a picture of her the day before while pickup up pregnancy tests is plastered all over the front cover. Even in with the grainy quality of the picture, she can see everything wrong with her body. From her flabby arms to her swollen belly, which probably looks even bigger due to her lanky frame. 

The headline, '_Rock Royalty Baby, What Does This Mean for the Queen?', _nearly makes her sick. She has to fight down both vomit _and _tears as it repeats over and over in her head.

She walks into the doctor's office grateful for her abilities with makeup and smiling at the woman who hastily tries to shove the copy of the sun into her drawer and when she walks out she knows exactly why her belly looks so big. Not one baby, no, the world would never be that kind with her. Instead, it's twins. Four per cent chance of having twins, and as it turned out her first (unwanted) pregnancy had been the (un)lucky one. 

She trudged back home with a purse filled with prenatal pills, a guide on what to expect when you're 16 weeks pregnant with twins, and a grany picture of two little babies. She would have been trembling with excitement, had she not been absolutely terrified of what the future held in stock for her. She could only imagine the look on her husbands' faces as they let her down gently and told her that they would always be there for her, as long as they had nothing to do with the kids. 

She didn't want to grow resentful of the little beans, however, her heart was already starting to ache at the possibilities. 

Brianna locked the door behind her once she got to their house. She retreated back to their bedroom and buried her face into one of Freddie's pyjamas. The ones that constantly smelled like their singer, and often got stolen when he was away. That's how she fell asleep, thinking about everything and relishing the last moments in their bed. So sure she would get kicked out the second they came back and found her resembling a beached whale. 


	2. overreacting

Roger spends the entirety of the flight home looking up things he can gift a pregnant person. 

At first, he had thought about getting home with a nice bottle of Dom Perignon which he knew Brianna absolutely adored, only to realise that that might not be the best idea if Brianna really is pregnant. Alcohol and babies should not mix at all. 

_Babies. _He tries not to think about the implications of _that_ particular statement. He tried to push down the images of being curled up in a bed trembling as his father screams at his mother or the several bruises which had littered his body for several years. It made him dizzy with fear just thinking about putting his own kids through that same suffering. 

He feels someone shift beside him, and John presses a kiss to his temple, "You are thinking too much." 

"I am thinking the right amount for a worried husband." 

John makes a noise at the back of his throat, "You're not thinking about the right things." 

Roger turns his head to look at John, the younger man is looking at him with adoration in his eyes, "What would the right thing to worry about be?" 

"Whether the baby is okay," the bassist presses a kiss to his cheek, "Whether Brianna has taken care of herself," he kissed his forehead, "Whether the press has left her alone," he pressed one last kiss to his lips, "Not whether you are going to be a good father." 

Roger licks his lips, "That's the thing I should be the most worried about." 

"Why?" John asks like he can't understand Roger's reasoning, "You are going to be the best dad. Freddie and I will have to fight for her to like us at all." 

"Don't be stupid," Roger chuckles, "He will love you." 

"_She._" 

"_He._" 

✦✧✦

Freddie is tapping away to the rhythm of one of his unnamed songs as the pilot drones on about the flights' characteristics. He can feel Paul's eyes on the side of his head and he tries to ignore him. He wants the Scottish man gone, ever since he had implied that Freddie could just cheat on his partners whenever he wanted. 

There was not one thing he hated more than people implying he would ever do something like that to the loves of his life, and Paul had known that. Still, the other man had offered Freddie the option, and now he couldn't wait to get rid of him. 

He kept tapping the melody until Paul pressed a hand over his, "Don't be nervous, I'm sure we can solve this." 

Freddie frowns, "There's nothing to solve, Paul. I just want to get home and see my wife." 

"Your wife?" 

His frown turns into a scowl, "Yes Paul, my _wife, _you know her, she's part of my band, _Queen._" 

"Ah," Paul says like he was actually confused, "Brianna." 

"Yes, _Brianna, _what other women would I ever call my _wife?" _

Paul shifts away, he turns towards the screen in front of him while swirling his drink, "Well, what I have been thinking is that we can deal with this situation by saying she just gained weight. She does kind of look fat rather than pregnant, shame, really." 

"_Paul._" 

"Are you sure you don't want that date with Cadie arranged? She is quite a sweetheart." 

Freddie stood up, walking over to one of the closest's stewardess and tapped on her shoulder, "Darling, do you have a free seat somewhere on the plane?" 

She looked around as if trying to see if it was a prank, "Of course, Mr Mercury, but it's in the back." 

"I'll take it." 

"Mr Mercury—" 

"I'm serious darling, I'll take it. It's just thirty minutes until we land." 

She takes him to the back and he tries to ignore all of the eyes which seem to be following him. Queen is at the peak of their career, and everyone seems to know that. Children look at him like he hung the moon and adults try not to look excited about the presence of the Queen of Rock. 

He wasn't bothered, in fact, he actually felt more at peace with these people than with Paul. The same man who had just dared to call his (maybe) child something to be dealt with. The stewardess pointed at a seat on the row right in front of the bathrooms, looking sheepish. Freddie just thanked her and slotted himself right beside an old Lady who was petting a stuffed toy of a cat. 

She smiles sweetly at him, "I know I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I wanted to send your wife congratulations on the baby. I think you are going to make great parents." 

Freddie smiled, his posture instantly relaxing, "Thank you, I'll be sure to tell Brianna." 

Yeah, this seat was much better. 

✦✧✦

It's past sundown when Brianna wakes again. 

She feels bloated, dizzy, and miserably lonely. For the past few days, she's wanted her boys to be here with her before she truly spirals down into what she knows her depression might take her too. It's a dark place, with not enough energy to bathe or eat, much less take care of a baby. But then when she opens her phone she is forced to look at the background. 

It's a picture of the three of them tangled together in their bed. Roger is drooling, John has his head buried in the blonde's shoulder, and Freddie has one arm and a leg thrown over them. It aches with how much she loves them, and the mere thought of them hating her sends her running for the hills. 

She sighs, shifting on the bed so that she is laying on her back, facing at the lovely painting of the sky that Freddie had made the night they had bought Garden Lodge. The longer she stares at it, the more she feels the darkness swallow her whole. She is so entranced with the ceiling that she completely missed the sound of the door opening. 

She misses the way that Freddie calls her name, the soft sound of steps around the corner, and the change in lighting when Freddie flicks up the switch when he enters the room. The light is dim enough that she can barely see, the lightbulbs must have gone out sometime in the last few days, and she only reacts when Freddie softly calls her name. 

She starts shaking in fear, "No, no, _please_, no." 

"Bri, _baby_?" Freddie all but jumps towards her, "Bri, my darling, wake up. I'm here." 

"No, please, I'm sorry." 

Freddie gathers a limp Bri on his arms, pressing her to his chest, "What are you sorry about, baby? It's okay that you didn't answer my calls, I understand. And I'm sure that Roger and Deaky understand too, it must be hard."

She shakes her head minutely, "I'm sorry for getting pregnant." 

They had gotten cocky. Between the ungodly amounts of sex, the jokes, the touring, the parties, and everything in between they had forgotten about the possibility. Not only that, they had forgotten to make sure Brianna knew that they wouldn't mind. It was alright if they ever did make that mistake. 

(If Freddie was being honest he had stopped considering it a burden, and started seriously thinking about having kids a few months before. But nobody knew that.) 

"Oh no, baby, you don't need to be sorry," he cooed, peppering her face with butterfly kisses, "It's alright, it's okay. I promise it's alright." 

She didn't stop sobbing, but she did melt into his embrace. It was only after a few minutes that she actually lifted herself from her position. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then the front door slams open, "Bri! Love! We are home!" 

Their rhythm section comes into the house in a flurry of sound and movement. It takes a few seconds for them to climb the steps, and Brianna seems to have retreated back into her shell. That is until John and Roger burst through the door holding a bouquet of flowers each. Roger is holding a tiny toy with large eyes and John is holding a small blanket. 

They look beyond nervous, almost as if they expect Bri to have crumbled into nothing, and once they see both of them practically clinging to each other the tension seems to seep out of their bones. John leaves the flowers on the nearest surface and crawls over to their girlfriend. He gives her a small Eskimo kiss before joining their lips, and Brianna all but melts. 

Roger makes more of a show. Once John sits beside Brianna he walks over, doing reverence and holding the flowers out for Brianna to take, "M'lady, these are for you." 

Brianna blushes and wipes the last of her tears with the back of her hand then reached for the bouquet, "They are very pretty." 

"As are you, Your Highness," Roger then, kneeled in front of Brianna, brought a hand up to cup her cheek, "now I would have brought a more— _adult appropriate _gift, but there have been rumours all around the kingdom about a royal pregnancy, and I didn't want that champagne to go to waste." 

Thank god for Roger Taylor. God knows how Freddie would have breached the topic, but the blond man seems to know exactly what to say. It's just the right amount of ridiculous and loving for Brianna not to shut out everyone and drown in her embarrassment. She looks at all of them as if trying to decide whether to tell them or not. 

Freddie doesn't quite understand why she would doubt now after she had told Freddie. Logically, she must have known that he would eventually tell the other two. But instead of speaking she turns around and gets up from the bed. She rummages around her purse for a few seconds and then produces an envelope. 

She hands it to Roger, and the other two scoot forward to look at the contents of the envelope. It has her name written in pretty, cursive, handwriting, and it's a little wrinkled and torn but Roger still treats it like it's the most valuable thing he has ever held. The opens the envelope and takes out two things, what must be the results of her blood test and a grainy picture of an ultrasound. 

Brianna feels like the world is crumbling around her. She watches as Roger looks at the image with wide eyes. She can imagine his reaction, his angry and disapproving tone which would increase her worries by a thousand. She would be forced to choose, of that she was sure, and she was starting to fear she wouldn't choose Queen. 

She is looking at the floor trying not to see the disappointment in their eyes, but then she hears sniffling, and it's not coming from her. Roger is crying, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, and he is trying to contain it, but everyone in the room is painfully aware of it. Especially her. 

"_Twins_?" 

She looks up and nods, "I'm sorry." 

One second she is standing one, the next there are three sets of arms wrapped around her, "Don't be sorry, love. I'm going to be a _dad._" 

She can't quite understand why they are treating it with such reverence, it seems cruel to make her believe that everything is going to be alright when in truth it isn't going to be. But John and Freddie are cupping her small and bloated tummy, while Roger kneels to press several kisses to her swelling belly.

"Hello, sweethearts," Freddie had his nose pressed to the crook of her neck, and John was staring at both of them like they were worth the world, Roger, on the other hand, had his face practically pressed to her midsection, "Did you know your mom is a dummy? She was getting worried sick thinking that we wouldn't love you." 

Brianna let out a wet chuckle nuzzling into Freddie's hair and relishing in the kiss that John pressed to her cheek. 

✦✧✦

The next time she woke up the bed felt incredibly empty and cold. There was a second in which she tensed up, feeling like maybe the night before had been a dream, and her boys had truly left her. Then someone draped an arm around her and nuzzled up to her, "Oh no, I'm not letting you go down that hole again." 

Brianna practically melted into John's embrace, letting all her worries go, "Thank you." 

He hummed in acknowledgement and trailed his hand down Brianna's tummy until he reached the hem of her shirt. His calloused hands pressed to the bottom and she felt him preen at the feeling, "I don't think you can understand how happy I am about this." 

"Happy?" 

"Happy," he snuggled closer to her, "I am going to be a dad." 

"Aren't you scared?" 

There was a brief pause, "Shitless. But I don't care. I've got everything I've ever wanted with you three, and if we could make that work we can get through everything." 

She felt tears of happiness brim her eyes and cursed, "Fucking hormones." 

John chuckled, "Are you crying?" 

"I can't seem to stop!" 

Both of them dissolved into fits of laughter, and Brianna turned to look at her husband. He looked beautiful in the sunlight, all laugh lines and curly hair looking dishevelled from sleep. Brianna pressed herself to his chest, breathing in his scent and relishing in the warmth of his embrace. That's how Freddie and Roger found them later on. Like a tangle of limbs, chatting like a pair nosy old ladies, as their bassist caressed Brianna's tummy. 

Yeah, they'd deal with this. Even if that meant they would have to deal with an emotional guitarist for the rest of the pregnancy. 


End file.
